Some of the content of this column will be tongue-in-cheek, however, the premise is not. That premise is as follows: I'm mystified that anyone can love hunting and fishing as much as I do, and spend as much time as I spend doing it, for as many years as I have, and never really get very good at it.
Upland bird hunting is my passion. I've spent many, many days chasing grouse, woodcock, quail, pheasants, doves and anything else that flies and doesn't land in water. You'd think that with that much experience I'd be a crack wingshot. Not to be the case! I'm embarrassed to admit that I get outshot by people who haven't fired at anything flying in many years.
What I try to do, when I invite someone to hunt with me, is let them do the shooting. I'll make up some excuse like wanting to "work with the dog," but the real reason is that I just don't want them to see how poorly I shoot. This approach also leads to the erroneous belief that I'm a really nice guy. I like that because you never know when someone you invite to hunt with you has family in Kansas with a few thousand acres of prime bird cover.
I've also spent an awful lot of time chasing bird dogs. Most normal people would have, by now, learned a little bit about training them. I guess I'm not one of those aforementioned "normal people." If one of my dogs is any good at all, it's because I was too lazy to try to train them, and they were left to figure it out for themselves, which, by the way, they usually do. I'm just grateful that I've been lucky enough to end up with bird dogs who were smarter than I am. Actually, it didn't take much luck -- most of them are.
I occasionally fly-fish. I also ineptly fly fish. I had a buddy sit on rock up on Penns Creek watching me cast. "You know who you remind me of?" he asks. "Lefty Kreh," I answer? "No, Lash Larue." My only consolation was that he was old enough to remember Lash Larue. Guys like that aren't going to be around to cast aspersions very much longer.
Other folks I know can look at a forest and identify good grouse, woodcock or deer cover. I look at a forest and see -- trees. Many people say I'm a hard hunter. Fact is, I just spend a lot of time walking through unproductive cover because I don't have a clue what to look for.
I have the reputation of not missing or wounding many big game animals. That's true, but the only reason is that I only take shots that I'm fairly certain I can make. It's not too hard to connect with a high-powered rifle, if you limit your shots to 50 yards in open woods. I won't tell if you don't.
I can't read a GPS, do a draw stroke in a canoe, start a fire with wet wood, or find my way using only the stars as a guide, but there are a couple things I can do. I'm great at picking backlashes out of bait casting reels. Before you start patting me on the back remember: people wouldn't need this skill if they wouldn't get backlashes in the first place. I guess "a couple" was about one too many. I'm glad I don't get asked to do many "how-to" articles.
n Don Steese, of Northumberland, writes a weekly outdoors column for The Daily Item. E-mail comments to jdsteese@yahoo.com
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Don Steese's Outdoor Perspectives column: A master of very little
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