WINFIELD — John Kador, of Winfield, says everyone struggles with apologizing.
But if done effectively, which he teaches in his newest book, “Effective Apology,” one can earn the most sought after qualities of leadership: accountability, transparency and humility.
His newest book will be published on May 1 by Berrett-Koehler.
“It’s difficult to face the consequences of our mistakes,” Kador said. “Even though we all make mistakes, we try to pretend we don’t. In that pretense, we really get into trouble.”
Men are especially prone to such trouble, he said. “We don’t like to appear weak and vulnerable, and that’s sometimes what apology feels like.
“I argue that apology is a sign of strength,” he said.
Though parents tell their children to apologize when they do something wrong, when it comes time for the parents to model that behavior, it’s not always so easy, Kador explained.
“We’re afraid of the consequences, of looking uncertain,” he said. “Leaders are afraid of displaying weakness in the sense that they might rattle their follower, as if we think that we need to be perfect to be leaders — and that’s just unsustainable.”
Kador’s book highlights five elements of any substantial apology: Recognize — acknowledge the wrongdoing and the person harmed; Responsibility — accept moral responsibility for your actions; Remorse — be truly sorry; Restitution — provide a meaningful action as a part of the apology; and Repetition — make sure the person knows that the offense will not be repeated.
“I noticed in my work as a journalist and speechwriter, individuals and companies that took responsibility to apologize,” Kador said. “They had a better outcome than those who stonewalled and denied. It was just so clear to me.”
For his book, he looked to a number of leaders for his research, including executors, non-profit leadership, spiritual leaders, as well as moms and dads, in addition to research in literature and social sciences.
“It’s pretty clear that apology works,” he said.
More information is available at www.effectiveapology.com. The book is also available at bkconnection.com, and any major book retailer. Locally, the book will be available at Page after page bookstore, 336 Market St., Lewisburg, where Kador will have a book signing and present a talk, “A Conversation About Apology, What it is and how to do it right,” from 1 to 2 p.m. May 9.
The book is being sold for $19.95.
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