What we need are some good parenting classes, but not the usual “Understanding the Adolescent Mind” kind of stuff — adolescents don’t want us to understand their minds. No, what we need is some help with the skills no one dreams they’ll be needing.
A class on arbitration, for example, could help parents solve the dispute that is certain to arise in one-computer households. If Child A has been researching the unfinished works of Leonardo da Vinci for a class project, that clearly falls under the heading of Homework, which trumps Child B’s desire to play Runescape with friends.
But when B points out that A has been interspersing da Vinci research with instant messages to friends, hogging the computer for the past two hours, he makes a strong case, which A coolly refutes by explaining that the IMs are part of the research — she was discussing Leonardo with her friends.
“Leonardo de Caprio!” indignant B cries.
“But also da Vinci!” A insists, and both children look to their parent for the wisdom of Solomon. A good arbitration class might suggest this is the perfect time for a discussion on sharing. Or for cleaning out the attic or basement or anything else that takes the parent as far away from the kids as possible.
Chauffeur lessons, also, would be a big hit, particularly from someone who has worked for our most famous — and demanding — celebrities. One could easily imagine the challenge of chauffeuring a Paris Hilton or a Justin Timberlake, especially if one is the parent of an adolescent: “I need to meet my friends at the mall at 11, so you can drop me off there when you pick me up at tennis practice. I’ll call you when I’m ready to come home. Oh, and, can you swing by an ATM? I need some cash.” What we’d look for in a good chauffeuring class would be updates on shortcuts and construction detours and negotiating bonus pay for unspecified pickup times.
We can’t rule out an EMT course. Aside from the basic first aid/CPR package, we could save a lot of money by learning to distinguish between poison ivy and prickly heat, which gashes need more than a Band-Aid and how to tell a break from a sprain. Maybe a passing grade could come with five complimentary admissions to the local emergency room.
If you want, you could still go ahead and sign up for the more conventional, “How to Handle the Insolent Shrug” or “How to Handle the Insolent Eye Roll” — hey, it never hurts to brush up on your marriage skills, too.
And finally, never forgetting humor, we could offer a Relaxation for Parents class. Get it? Parents … relaxing. Isn’t that hilarious? We’ll have ’em laughing until they cry.
-- Cindy O. Herman lives in Snyder County. E-mail comments to her at Cindyherman1@yahoo.com.
News
Real parenting classes
- News
-
-
State police probe murder-suicide near Watsontown
WATSONTOWN - An 85-year-old Watsontown man shot and killed a 69-year-old female companion then turned the gun on himself Tuesday afternoon, state police at Milton report.
-
2 Valley schools in top 5.5% in nation
LEWISBURG — U.S. News & World Report magazine has ranked Lewisburg Area as the 15th-best academic high school in Pennsylvania and the 803rd best in the nation, according to a report released earlier this month.
-
Northumberland opts to build sewage plant
NORTHUMBERLAND — Ending months of speculation, the Northumberland Sewer Authority has voted to build a water treatment plant, at an estimated cost of $9 million, to replace the 40-year-old sewage plant at 100 Water St.
-
Mifflinburg school board OKs millage increase
MIFFLINBURG — The Mifflinburg school board Tuesday night approved raising the property tax rate to the maximum allowed under the index, equaling about a $30 increase a year for the average taxpayer.
-
Support grows for city garden
SUNBURY— More than a month after several Bucknell University students resurrected an empty city lot by transforming the land into a full-size garden, neighbors, nearby residents and now business leaders from outside Sunbury have decided to chip in by donating seeds and planting tools in order to spruce up the corner lot.
-
Stat of the Day: 21,776
Stat of the day: 21,776. That's the number of high schools evaluated nationwide by U.S. News & World Report, after which the magazine determined that Lewisburg Area High was the 803rd best in the U.S., and Selinsgrove Area, 1,187th.
-
State House approves sales-tax exemption for airplanes
HARRISBURG — A bill to exempt the purchase and maintenance of airplanes from Pennsylvania's 6 percent sales tax won a strong vote of confidence in the state House of Representatives.
-
State lawmakers consider takeover of struggling school districts
HARRISBURG — A Republican-penned bill that would pave the way for state takeovers of Pennsylvania school districts veering toward financial collapse has the support of Gov. Tom Corbett and is advancing in the Legislature.
-
Take Me Home: Yip
Yip is a young dog, best guess is Bichon/Daschund. He is friendly and loves everyone, especially anyone who will rub his belly or let him on their lap for some doggie kisses. He enjoys car rides, has done well around other dogs, cats, and kids. Housebreaking and crate training are in the works.
-
Joe Paterno earned $13.4 million pension at Penn State
STATE COLLEGE — Joe Paterno earned a state pension of $13.4 million for his 61-year coaching career at Penn State.
-
Police Log 05.22.12
A roundup of police news reported by departments across the Central Susquehanna Valley.
-
Montour County judge dismisses flooding lawsuit
DANVILLE — A Montour County judge has dismissed a case brought against Mahoning Township by residents of the Gaytowne subdivision.
- More News Headlines
-
